Mysterious ways

God's ways are not always cut and dried.  So often, I find the way God moves in the world and, individually, in my life.......mysterious.  And baffling...yet all the while so.very.good.  I am moved when He moves.

And today, I'm moved.

Today, I learned that our sweet Hannah, has found her forever home.  But that home is not ours.

I want to shout a million questions into the sky and in my impulse I want God to shout a million answers back at me!

Why Hannah?

Why China?

Why now?

Why did you have me fall in love with this girl who could never be mine?

Does her adoptive family know You, Lord?

Will I ever get to hold her in heaven?


But just before my sky-tirade begins, the Lord does what He does best.  He loves.  Loves.  Loves.
 Loves.  Me.

I feel Him wrap his big strong carpenter's arms around me while I sob out these words.  I feel him take his thumb and whisk away the tears that blur my computer screen.  And, no, I can't really feel arms...because Jesus doesn't have skin on in my living room...does He.  But what I feel is no less real.

I hear Him say into the broken places in my heart, "Be still.  And KNOW that I am God."

And that is all I can muster tonight my sweet sweet Lord.  I will rest and know that you are God.  That your plan is good and perfect and perfectly good.  I will trust you even as my heart rends.  I will lean on your strength because I am so tired.  And so sad.

And I will choose to see the good in your work in us because of Hannah.  Because seeing the good in this world is a choice.  I choose life.  I choose love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and self control.  You brought her to us for a reason, Lord.  You used our time praying for this sweet little girl to bring our marriage closer, to raise our children's awareness of the plight of the orphan and to open all of our hearts to another child finding his or her way into our family.  I praise You!  Thank you for breaking our hearts for Hannah...Thank you for shaking off our apathy.  Thank you for the process of loving her.  We thank you, Father.  You are good.  Above all things.  YOU. ARE. GOOD.

Hannah, praise God for your new family!  We will forever hold you in our hearts until we can hold you in heaven.

We love you.